“Leo had slammed his hand on the table countless times and he moved his hand further and he crushed a crystal cordial glass. Blood was dripping down his hand. He never broke character. He kept going. He was in such a zone. It was very intense. He required stitches.”
The poor man has literally given them blood.
His Tarantino impression is perfection…
God, Leo, such a beast.
Adderall. 72% dextroamphetamine, 28% levoamphetamine.
I was recently prescribed this stigmatized drug for a recent diagnosis of ADHD-PI (what once was ADD). Honestly, though, the therapeutic action of the drug spans beyond that. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fighting between the part of my mind that was ambitious and largely rational, and the lack of motivation (the “fuel”) to carry out my interests. For example, I love economics. I have enough knowledge and musings and what not to write an entire paper on it. But when it came time to translate the map of abstract thought on the topic to a well constructed paper, it lapsed. I couldn’t maintain or organise the output of these thoughts.
There was a barrier between my mind, and the outside world. Ultimately, it has come to the point where I have trouble finding enjoyment in the world. Social activities were chores, material items bland, and the society and politics, as they existed in reality, rather permanently misguided and pointless. I was anhedonic, cynical and became depressed as a result. I simply didn’t have the mental energy to pursue change or work to advance in the outside world what my internal interests pointed to.
Adderall has helped to change perspective on these issues. Rather than being simply passive to the world, observing with little enjoyment and much cynicism, under the influence of this medication, I find that I have motivation to reach out, expand my connections, and work to advance my interests in this world.
I am currently working on researching ASMR, contacting scientists and media and trying to work to understand this phenomenon scientifically. I am joining organisations on campus this coming semester, and taking better care of my health. I am working to become involved in the political process. And I’m interested in the world and normal life activity. I’m not saying this to expound on how wonderful I am, rather, the person I am now, thanks to Adderall and psychotherapy, is distinctly better adapted to working in society than the past me. This is a normal state for many, but for me, it’s new and exciting.
I am aware of the risks I am taking with this drug. It is a powerful chemical, and the potential to develop abusive habits is very real. It’s something that I must be self aware about.
Overall though, it’s life changing in a very positive way for me. It’s not a miracle on it’s own, but it is synergistic with the psychotherapy and personal development. I no longer question if I’ll have the motivation to perform on a task I set out to do or that I believe in; the answer is always yes if I invest myself (a definite contrast from before).
That’s my take on amphetamine, I’d love to hear any comments or questions.
So, where I am right now. I’m atop a ledge on the mesa that North Park is on. I’ve often gone to a small park that looks over MV and slightly beyond. I recently found a place that is facing West, and slightly North. Incredibly beautiful. An amazing thing is the soundscape too. The bluff descends into a steep hilly open space. So you hear the small animals and crickets, and then in the background, surprisingly clear is the hums and interesting sound events on the highways. The traffic is a very isolated density, completely free flowing. It’s very beautiful.
Looking for places where advancing technology has solved a problem he brings up.
Tonight it was the problem of “buying condoms discreetly”. Solution: self check out
It’s been quite a while since I’ve updated this blog. I intend to start again, but I’ve grown a lot since high school and early college (the last time this site was updated). I figure I should start by addressing where I am now, and the direction I want this particular collection to go in.
So the first item, where I am: Materially, I’m fairly comfortable. I’ve a steady source of income, and little strain on resources. For that, I’m very fortunate.
In health, I’ve deteriorated to an extent. I am plagued with a small locus of small pains, that appear to be growing. I’m not sure what it is. The doctor’s cannot find much by way of serious illness.
In society, I’ve become more withdrawn, both by choice and infliction. Currently, I’m very close only with my younger brother (who is, I must add, much wiser than he lets on). I’m somewhat saddened by this reality, but I’m accepting of it, and it isn’t very troubling. I would rather have better quality relationships (with true mutual understanding and development), than to try to force relationships that are not flowing.
Also, dealing with society, my politics have undergone a sea change, both in depth and in orientation. The label I’d apply is that of a “Social Democrat”. It sums it up rather nicely. I believe that the economy and society cannot by cleaved, and it is the responsibility of citizens, acting together, to invest in society and the economy, and to extend the political process to economic matters. In this way, society and the economy are symbiotic (which I believe truly represents how civilisation works), and work in coordination.
An additional, important, note to make is that about the psychoactive substances. Without delving too far, too fast, I’d like to just have it known that I believe that these drugs have value outside of just medicine, and into recreation, but mostly, into utility (for a specific, useful purpose, outside medicine) and most importantly, some form of transcendence. I plan to elaborate as appropriate in blog posts to be written.
For this blog, then, I would like to focus more towards ideas and concepts that add intellectual value to my followers or really anyone who drops by. It’s my ideal that this blog be a place of somewhat messy, but generally enriching ideas.
That’s where everything stands now
We all like taking photos of our cities glowing at night, and among many a Lomographer’s favorite camera for the job is the Lomo LC-A+. We have tons of LC-A+ photos in the Community showcasing cityscapes around the world at night, but we’ve put together a gallery featuring some of the best and the brightest!
by gothamcity_29 http://instagram.com/p/aPUKBiCVU7/
Brooding Cityscapes by Jeremy Mann
A view rarely seen by anyone. Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewell stands ABOVE the top of the Washington Monument. The Secretary received an update on the repairs needed following the August 2011 earthquake and took a tour up to the top earlier this month.
During the same trip, photographer Tami A. Heilemann was able to snap unique photos of the Lincoln Memorial, Jefferson Memorial and view of the National Mall and U.S. Capitol Building.
Photos: Tami A. Heilemann